Last week I 'walked' into a Facebook group that was giving evidence based information.
There was a sweet woman asking why she had 2 cesarean births. She was ok, baby was ok... and she felt that the doctor wanted to go home so surgery was suggested. She was diagnosed with Failure to progress and had 2 cesarean births.
My empathetic response was that it could have been a failure to wait on behalf of her care providers and she did not fail anything.
What came next shocked me.... I was sworn at, told to shut up and was judged and my knowledge and training was questioned. The women there had a 'hate on' for Doulas... and what I didn't realize that I just offended a group of women who were most likely nurses or in medical professions. I also heard many women who were traumatized by their cesarean births, so hurt that they were only looking on the evidence of why it happened, avoiding the emotional journey that often comes with a birth that doesn't go as planned. Eventually I was kicked out and the evidence I provided was not aligning with their evidence. It has me thinking.....
Mothers are walking into hospitals without knowing their beautiful babies are being born into this type of underlying energy. If I were a mother walking into this, Would I have enough energy, confidence or courage to speak up for myself? Would I feel calm when the people in the environment am telling me I am wrong? How would my partner stand up to such treatment? Would I know that I may end up hurting, just as much as them?
This is what is happening in our births! Women who work in this medical field have a hate for others who disagree or contradict their only way of being. I want to be clear, I am not blaming Nurses at all. Many are kind, well-intending and generally beautiful human beings. They also work in environment full of hierarchy and Ego. Fearful of being reprimanded for not following policy. Every minute, under constant scrutiny from every angle. (Their head/charge nurse, the doctors, the patients and the patients guests and even other nurses on the same seniority level) Their focus can become on getting the job done instead of getting connected to the mother's needs. With the mentality of 'do as you are told and follow the rules' Thinking outside of the box can literally can be reprimanded or literally lose their job.... or heck they may even want to quit.
Rarely (if at all) do nurses in a hospital setting see a birth that is undisturbed with good outcomes. Not because they don't happen, but because that they don't happen in hospitals.
Another factor to consider is that they often attend births that are managed, medicated or high risk... they simply don't trust birth, because they are taught not to, or the woman simply 'cannot' do it any other way.
Here are a few things we can do to be clear and in control on what is happening in our environment around us.
1. choose wisely your location of birth. If you are having a normal healthy pregnancy, you have a good understanding of birth, you trust birth, your support team, and your care provider... consider what location is best to extend and facilitate the birth you desire. Maybe that is a birthing center or home, or hospital.
2. If you are experiencing a healthy, or high risk pregnancy and you want to be respected and heard, take a look at your hospital or care provider... do they respect you? Do you have conversations where your desires can be considered and you have informed choice? Do you feel that all the information you need to make a choice is being provided? If not, consider making changes.
3. Who will support you before birth? Do you have someone to call during your pregnancy where you can ask basic questions? Do you Have someone to support you in the decisions YOU want to make powerfully? Do you have someone that will help you weight the pros and cons and ultimately support your decision?
4. Is your partner or support person fully aware of your desires or needs? Will they stand up for you in the quest for your birth experience to be the most powerful? Do they have a knowledgeable foundation to birth, know the questions to ask if situations, or interventions arise?
5. Do you trust that you know more about your baby and yourself than any care provider? No matter what someone tells you (yes even me) if it doesn't sit right with you then question more. If they tell you something is wrong, and inherently you feel its right, look into that more. If you feel something is wrong, and you are not being heard then look into that more. Speak up either way!
6. Foundation of Birth. Do you know what normal physiological birth is? It's not that you need or want to have a completely hands off birth, but I know most say that they want to avoid a cesarean birth as much as possible. Knowing what physiological birth looks like gives you a good foundation to make choices that are right for you! That means you have a knowledge to gainfully accept an intervention because you know what it is, the risks, and how it might affect a normal birth, and beyond all, it's your choice, and not put upon you.
I would rather no one experiences this type of treatment around their pregnancy or birth... this can be a time of joy, love, accomplishment and transformation. What would your birth be like if it were magical, and fulfilled in a powerful way? How would it look if you experience a birth of calm, confidence and respect? Recovery of your birth would be a place of love and support, only focusing on your baby and yourself.You could transition into a restful space, without having to worry about a birth that was unsatisfactory, upsetting or even traumatizing. What would it be like to tell your birth story only from joy, strength and love... not being one of those people who tell horror stories of birth.
I promise birth can be amazing and I have a program where I coach couples about all around the world. Taking what ever it is you are facing, and transforming it into a birth that makes the most sense for you, often choosing love, connection and power so that you can transition into parenthood with your baby and your partner by your side... having each of your needs met. If you feel that you would love this support, please PM me or book a Discovery Call in my calendar https://goo.gl/AzucUK
Birth does not have to be scary... it does not have to happen with people who don't support (even in a hospital).. you are not alone... there are women and couples who have birthed exactly the way you want. What if you planned, and it actually came true? You would know yourself to be a different human being, one that is well set up for any choices that come up in the future for your child <3